How do you talk about the problems you solve without making your audience feel bad?
This is the million dollar question as our culture becomes more aware of how our marketing and messaging affect individual readers, and as we begin to take more ownership over how we want to want to make people feel along the way to becoming clients.
Here’s the conundrum, though.
There’s that old advice to “agitate their pain points!”
And then there’s the new advice to not talk about pain points because it’s inherently manipulative.
But…
…we know these pain points and problems do exist in our target market’s lives, right? Because that is what our services are there to solve.
So…. what’s the right answer?
Do we ignore them? Only positive, all the time?
Or is it possible to talk about the problems we solve without making our audience feel bad?
Personally, I think it definitely is.
Keep reading for seven strategies for addressing pain points and problems in your messaging, without heaping shame, blame, or manipulative tactics on your readers.
Strategy #1: State & Validate
When your best friend calls you to vent about something, what do you do?
Unless someone tells me differently, I’ve learned that the response most people are looking for in a moment of frustration is validation.
Without judgment. Without exaggerating the problem. Without “blaming” anyone (especially not the person venting!).
Sure, it might seem helpful to immediately jump to solutions (“here’s how you can fix it”) or go all positive vibes (“but look at the silver lining!”) or downplay their struggle (“hey, it’s not that bad, actually”).
But in my experience? These so-called positive responses actually make people feel unheard and dismissed.
The same is likely true in your messaging. So, in your copy, before jumping into positive-oriented messages…
1. State their problem or pain point. This is the copywriting version of repeating back to someone what they’ve just said to demonstrate that you’re understanding. (The type of statement that gets a response like, “Yes, exactly!”)
2. Validate their problem or pain point. This is the copywriting version of saying things like “that totally makes sense” “I’d feel that way too” “That is so frustrating” to demonstrate that you empathize with their emotional response.
The key here is intention: Validating someone’s pain point is to make them feel seen, heard, and justified in their feelings.
There’s no twisting of the knife or exaggerating the pain to make them feel so bad that they’re desperate for your help — THAT is manipulation.
Let’s look at an example from one of my clients, Social Fresh, a consultancy that also runs a major social media conference:
The body content reads:
“As a social media practitioner, there’s constant pressure to keep your social media fresh, exciting, and effective.
And it can feel like the burden to do that is completely on your shoulders.
Whew. That’s the recipe for imposter syndrome and stress.
Social Fresh is where professionals come to get reenergized about social media + find a solid network of other practitioners to bounce ideas off of.”
First, we state the very real pain points here: “there’s constant pressure to keep your social media fresh, exciting, and effective.”
I interviewed past attendees of the conference to figure out what led them to buy a ticket…. and then basically repeated back what they said on the page.
Then we validate the emotional response to this: “it can feel like the burden to do that is completely on your shoulders. Whew. That’s the recipe for imposter syndrome and stress.”
In this way, Social Fresh is saying, “It totally makes sense that you’re stressed.”
As my copywriting mentor, Belinda Weaver, puts it: “Make your customer feel SEEN, not BAD.”
Strategy #2: Whisk the blame away
This strategy is about sharing that, while someone’s struggles are real and valid, it’s not their fault.
No, there’s something else going on — usually something bigger than them, like an industry-wide/societal problem or something out of their control.
Similar to the State & Validate strategy, you empathize with what they’re struggling with…. but then you add an extra step:
You tell them, “It’s not your fault. And I can prove it. Here’s what’s really causing this.”
This feels good for the reader because it’s an “out” — a way for them to release guilt or self-criticism (which is probably making their challenge worse).
Plus, this strategy positions YOU as someone with expertise or insider knowledge. Someone who can help.
You’re talking about pain points with the goal of… offering answers… hope.
For one example, we can look at this paragraph from Empowered To Act. Nzinga is a mindset coach for actors who are feeling stuck in their career — and blaming themselves for it.
The body content reads:
“It’s time to ask yourself a brave question: Why am I not where I want to be in my career?
The problem isn’t that you need better headshots, branding, network, or reps. And it’s not even about timing, opportunity, or luck.
Something else is blocking you from success.
You can’t stop overthinking. You feel rundown by your circumstances. You let fear win. You are stuck in “survival mode.” On bad days, you wonder… Maybe the problem is just me.
I’m here to tell you: It’s not. It’s your subconscious programming sabotaging your progress by keeping you mentally and emotionally stuck.”
The part I want to emphasize here is the last paragraph. It’s a crucial pivot from empathizing with struggles to whisking the blame away from the reader. And offering an alternative “culprit” instead.
In this case, the culprit is something out of the reader’s control, their subconscious programming.
Strategy #3: Relate Through Your Story
The Relate Through Your Story strategy is exactly what it sounds like. You highlight pain points in what YOU have experienced.
You tell your story — about how you experienced the same struggles, challenges, and pain points your audience does.
…. and how you ultimately overcame them. (Usually, “how you overcame your pain points” is what you’re selling now.)
In this way, you are able to empathize with your audience on a super personal level without ever directly calling out someone ELSE’s pain.
You also position yourself as someone who “has been there and figured out a solution.” So it’s a great way to build trust and lead into your offer, too.
Let’s take a look at an example from one of my past clients, Carly Cheton, a freelance business coach.
I started with a headline that hints at the pain points (and the HOPE) in Carly’s personal story ⤵️
Then, we go into her story ⤵️
The body content reads:
“After quitting a corporate job in December 2019, I was sent into a spiral of panic when COVID led a new job offer to be rescinded in March 2020.
Faced with a mass hiring freeze and no access to unemployment, I was scrambling to make my rent for the month.
A friend mentioned freelancing as a way to get back on my feet, and though I was skeptical it would be a stable solution, I was desperate–so I gave it a shot.”
Here, Carly relates to her readers, who may be considering freelancing amid a desperate situation, and who view freelancing as “unstable.”
Then, she introduces the flipside of the struggle, the success she’s found freelancing and what she now teaches to others ⤵️
The content reads:
“Fast forward 12 months, I had reached $100K in revenue, far exceeding my 9-to-5 salary.
Moreover, I was finally leading the purpose-led creative career that sounded too good to be true during my years in corporate.
Now, my mission is to help others who felt like I did — stuck in an unfulfilling role, underpaid, or on a constant grind– embrace a new reality of uncapped earning potential and career freedom.
I’m so glad you’ve found your way here, and I can’t wait to help you step into this next chapter.”
Strategy #4: Flip The Script
The Flip the Script strategy is for you if you want to avoid doing any version of probably the most famous (and possibly most controversial?) copywriting framework: Pain – Agitate – Solution.
(Not sure what this is? Google it real quick, and you’ll see that a lot of the other strategies I’ve been talking about are gentler versions of this formula.)
But the Flip the Script strategy side-steps pain points by reframing them into desires. Instead of explicitly stating a current struggle, you allude to it by highlighting the happy ending that someone wants.
To illustrate what I mean in super simple terms, let’s imagine we’re talking to Rapunzel… when she’s still trapped in that god-awful tower with nothing but her hair.
If we were to talk about her pain points directly, we’d say: “It’s hard to be trapped in that god-awful tower and have no autonomy.”
But if we used the Flip the Script strategy, we’d say: “You’re ready to get out of that tower and finally live an autonomous, free life.”
In this way, we’re still acknowledging that there’s some sort of pain going on here (stuck in a tower), but we’re putting the focus on the desire to end the pain, not the pain itself.
Are you with me?
Let’s take a look at a real-life example, from one of my past clients, Electric Eye, a Shopify agency ⤵️
The content reads:
“Is our approach right for your brand?
Electric Eye and your brand might be a good match if…
• You want to capitalize on your excellent product-market fit. Your product sells itself through word of mouth, and now you want to reach a broader audience.
• Your flow of organic sales has gotten you this far, and you’re ready for more. You love your loyal customer base, but you’re itching to get to the next level.
• You want to scale so you can get back your time and make a bigger impact. For example, you want to ramp up from $500k to $1 million, from $2 million to $10 million, and so on.”
I could have written this section with an emphasis on the pain itself instead of on the desire to end the pain. It could have read something like…
“• Your product sales only happen through referrals and word-of-mouth, so you have no agency to actually scale and reach a broader audience.
• You’re stuck at your current level of sales, and it’s not enough to hit your revenue goals and build the company of your dreams.
• Your current revenue isn’t enough to hire a bigger team, so you’re still doing a LOT of the work yourself as the founder, which means less time to spend with your family.”
Neither way is right or wrong; it’s just a choice. At this point in their website, I wanted to anchor readers in excitement and possibility instead of empathizing with where they are now.
Strategy #5: Create Safe Distance
The Create Safe Distance strategy is a way of acknowledging pain points without assuming that the person reading is experiencing them personally.
The “how” of this strategy is simple. All you have to do is… swap the pronouns you use from the personal “you” to the more distant “they.”
Usually, I employ this strategy by talking about the existing or past clients of a business.
So, it’s not that you’re saying “YOU, reader, are definitely experiencing these pain points.” Which can feel, to some, a little aggressive coming from a stranger.
You’re saying “My past clients typically come to me experiencing these pain points. Can you relate?” Which removes assumptions and creates a safe distance for the reader to decide for themselves whether or not they too are experiencing those problems.
Let’s take a look at an example, from a past client of mine, Resonate Psychology, a trauma therapy practice ⤵️
The content reads:
“This is trauma therapy for those who want to do more than
‘Just talk.’
Many of my clients come to me after a past experience with talk therapy where they didn’t feel they were progressing. They’d go to sessions and rehash the narrative of their trauma… and nothing would really change.
They would stay stuck in old, familiar patterns. They would experience emotional triggers regularly. It felt like constant work to cope (let alone thrive!).
And they would start to wonder whether lasting change — change that becomes second nature — was even possible for them.
If this sounds like you, here’s what I want you to know:
Change is possible. But it may require more than ‘just talking.’ “
Especially in a mental health context, I did not want my client to come across as assuming what her potential clients were feeling. Readers needed to feel seen but also safe to feel differently and still reach out.
This Create Safe Distance strategy allows my client to talk about the common pain points she sees (+ highlight a major differentiator — that she offers therapy that goes beyond talking), while remaining neutral and curious about what individual readers may *actually* be feeling.
Strategy #6: Use Uncertain Language
The Use Uncertain Language strategy is all about acknowledging that you can’t possibly be sure what a reader feels, thinks, or is experiencing.
It sucks when someone assumes how we’re feeling (especially if they’re off).
Once in college, my roommate ran into me in the kitchen and said, “You’re just mad at the world lately, damn.” Apparently, my demeanor made her believe what I was feeling was anger. In reality, I was feeling anxious about a paper I had been procrastinating.
I didn’t feel like I had a chance to correct her and state my truth — she had just assumed what I was feeling, stated it, and left the room. I didn’t feel good about myself (or connected to her) in that moment.
To avoid doing this to your potential clients, you can use uncertain language when you talk about pain points.
In practice, this is as simple as adding in some “maybes” or “mights” or “perhaps’s” to your pain point statements. Let’s look at an example from one of my past clients, Spark & Bloom Studio ⤵️
The content reads:
“Maybe your current branding doesn’t feel intentional, seems outdated, or wasn’t created with your values in mind.
As a result, you may not be attracting the types of clients or customers who share your values and respect your work.
Deep down, you might feel unsettled about how the world sees your brand, and this can stop you from fully showing up.
I’ve been there — and I can help.
Through brand strategy & design, I help conscious business owners like you attract the high-quality clients or customers you need to fulfill your mission. “
The bolded words are all the places I used uncertain language to reduce the impression that Jeanne (the founder of Spark & Bloom) is assuming or telling potential clients what they definitely feel.
>> While most copy advice tells you to “be bold” without fail, I want to advocate for a gentler, decidedly less-bold approach if it feels good to you.
To show you what I mean, here’s what happens if we take those words out:
“Your current branding doesn’t feel intentional, is outdated, and wasn’t created with your values in mind.
As a result, you’re not attracting the types of clients or customers who share your values and respect your work.
Deep down, you feel unsettled about how the world sees your brand, and this stops you from fully showing up.”
This is definitely a bolder message, but, in my opinion, comes across a tiny bit… mean? A little too “tough love” for Jeanne’s compassionate personality.
And it may risk making her potential clients feel bad about themselves.
Strategy #7: Highlight The Collective Struggle
The Highlight the Collective Struggle strategy = taking the pain points off of the SOLE shoulders of your individual reader and spreading them around a larger group you’re speaking to. Often, this group includes yourself.
I saw a lot of folks use this strategy naturally during the pandemic. They would say: “We’re all going stir-crazy cooped up in our homes.” Or “It’s scary out there. Most of us can’t afford to get sick right now.”
But you can use this strategy even when there’s not a global health crisis occurring. Just think about the struggles that unite your audience and position them that way — as not the experience of one person, but the experience of the collective.
For a real-life example, let’s look at this paragraph for a past client, Sketch Design Repeat, a course creator ⤵️
The content reads:
“OUR ART BRINGS IN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR COMPANIES. It’s time we all get paid like it.
As a surface designer, your art is WHY people buy a product from one brand and not another. So your art makes a company’s products successful – and you deserve to be paid well for that!
But I’ve seen too many talented artists settle for low fees because they lack the confidence to see just how valuable their work is.
And that’s why I created Artful Pricing & Negotiation: to teach you how to charge fairly for your work, understand and negotiate profitable contracts, and feel secure in your rates and value as an artist.
So you don’t panic when a company asks for your rates, ever again.”
The bolded words are all the places I highlighted the collective struggle over the individual. This creates a feeling of solidarity among all readers — and with Shannon, the creator of Sketch Design Repeat.
In my opinion, this makes the message more inspiring and powerful (the vibe of “join this movement of artists”). Plus, it softens some of the bolder pain point messaging (e.g. “lack the confidence to see how valuable their work is”).
To show you what I mean, here’s what happens if we take those words out:
“YOUR ART BRINGS IN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR COMPANIES. It’s time you get paid like it.
As a surface designer, your art is WHY people buy a product from one brand and not another. So your art makes a company’s products successful – and you deserve to be paid well for that!
But you’re settling for low fees because you lack the confidence to see just how valuable your work is.
And that’s why I created Artful Pricing & Negotiation: to teach you how to charge fairly for your work, understand and negotiate profitable contracts, and feel secure in your rates and value as an artist.
So you don’t panic when a company asks for your rates, ever again.”
I think if I wrote it like this, 100% focused on the individual, many of the budding designers considering this course wouldn’t resonate with it.
They might think, “My art doesn’t bring in thousands…” Or they might feel too “called out” by the pain points and feel that they’re being blamed.
Instead, they are more likely to feel empowered by seeing themselves as part of a larger movement of artists pursuing higher fees, and they’re able to view their pain points (low confidence in their work, not getting paid well) as part of the collective struggle… with no chance of seeing those struggles asa personal failing.
***
That’s it!
I hope you feel equipped to go into your next copywriting task with tangible tools for talking about your audience’s pain points without making them feel bad.
